Monthly Archives: August 2009

Mitch Hedberg’s drinking quotes list


Drinking is a wonderful pastime in every country (almost) and here are some great quotes about how great drinking is. Enjoy it.

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

Benjamin Franklin

“I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.”

Winston Churchill

“Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.”

Conan O’Brien

“I’m not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.”

Noel Coward

“Beer is the reason I get out of bed every afternoon.”

Anonymous

“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”

Dave Berry

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

George F. Burns

“The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.”

Martin Mull

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“Drinking is a way of ending the day.”

Ernest Hemingway

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

W.C. Fields

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day”

Frank Sinatra

“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus… one of those two doesn’t sound right.”

Mitch Hedberg

“Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”

Homer Simpson

“Sir, you are drunk.” -Bessie Braddock:
“And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.”

Winston Churchill

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